


Only if for a night.

by dollalpaca



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Not Beta Read, We Die Like Men, dealing with the aftermath of the war, implied PTSD, ship adults not kids, there's more friendly tokka than there is romantic tokka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26018488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dollalpaca/pseuds/dollalpaca
Summary: A child. That’s what Toph Beifong is, but the world - and herself, sometimes - seem to forget about it.
Relationships: Toph Beifong & Sokka, Toph Beifong/Sokka
Comments: 4
Kudos: 51





	Only if for a night.

**Author's Note:**

> This is very much experimental, I haven’t written for any other fandom aside from RPDR in three years, so please bear with me. This is a bit of a character study on Toph, because you can’t tell me that child went through a war at twelve and didn’t have some sort of PTSD. There’s Tokka implied, because of course there is, but nothing too heavy, because I prefer shipping them as adults. Title comes from the Florence Welch song. Hope you like it!

Admittedly, Toph is a child. But the thing is, she doesn’t _feel_ like one. Not in a long time, at least. 

She’s barely fourteen, two years older than she was when she saved the world, and she knows people her age should be studying, hanging out with other people their age, causing a daily mayhem in their villages and being a pain in the ass to their parents. That’s what she’s been told, at least.

Toph doesn’t have any of that. She doesn’t have parents to annoy (not anymore) and her responsibilities are too much to even allow her to consider going to school - what for, anyway? She knows enough to carry her own weight in the world, and the new generation that’s going to learn about the hundred year war will probably learn about her too, about her role to defeat the Fire Lord, and all the trivial details about her life.

It’s weird. For such a long time, she was used to no one knowing about her, to question her existence as she sat in silence while her tutors read books about geography and history, counting down the hours until she could sneak out again and have a brief taste of life, before the sun came up again and she was sucked into the monotony of faking being a helpless, little blind girl. Now, people recognize her when she walks around the streets, the earth benders come up to her and beg on their knees to be trained by the one that trained the Avatar. 

As far as legend status goes, Toph _is_ one. But she’s only fourteen, and sometimes her back aches so much she has to lie down for hours, her hands are calloused, but no more than her feet, and there are days where she hears her students talk about their plans for the weekend, telling crazy stories of their friends and them, of the trouble they get up to on their free time.

She forgets the majority of her students are around her age with such ease it scares her, but it’s not like she’ll ever admit it. She’s only fourteen but has the responsibilities of an adult - she doesn’t complain, because in the grand scheme of things, it isn’t really _that_ important. It’s fine. She’s fine. She can manage with missing out on many things during her teenage years so long as it's for a good cause, it’s really no big deal - except that when her students ask her about the Avatar Team, wanting to hear all of the stories she has to tell, of all the trouble they got in and the ups and downs of training the Avatar, Toph gets choked up with the memories, so distant and yet so fresh, wishing they were still together, flying around the world without a care in the world, instead of trapped with so many students she constantly forgets the names of and lots of responsibilities a child shouldn’t have.

A child. That’s what Toph Beifong is, but the world - and herself, sometimes - seem to forget about it.

It’s just another day, the classes for the day are over, and Toph shuts the door of her office in the face of a parent that wants to know why their child hasn’t received a special treatment, if they’re from such a high, powerful family. She hates that woman’s guts with a passion.

She throws herself in her chair, worn out and stained with dirt, after she’s fallen asleep on it more nights than she can count. Toph closes her eyes, rolling her head and trying to let go of the tension in her shoulders. Some days she feels as if she carries the weight of the world on her shoulders, even if the war is over, so she cherishes the moments she’s alone.

There’s a knock on the door, and since her feet are dangling off the chair, she can’t see who it is. She climbs off reluctantly, and a smile breaks into her face as soon as she feels him.

“Sokka!” She exclaims, running to open the door and crash into his arms. It’s been over a year since she last saw him, or any of the others. Happiness bubbles up in her chest as she allows herself to be picked up by him, noticing how stronger he’d gotten in the time they hadn’t seen each other. “What are you doing here? I didn’t even sense you coming!” 

He puts her down, hands lowering to her waist for a fleeting moment before he speaks. “You’re losing your abilities, Toph,” he jokingly says, and Toph just rolls her eyes, punching him in the arm. Sokka cries a little, but soon ruffles her hair, smiling at her. “I’m just here for a stop before I go back home. I went to see Zuko for some time - he needed my help for battle strategies! Can you believe?” The excitement in his voice is child-like, and Toph doesn't need her earth-bending to sense the pride swelling on his chest.

“Why does Zuko need help with battle strategies, anyway?” She asks, furrowing her brow, slightly worried that Zuko has had some sort of relapse and now he wants to go on with his father’s plan to rule the world. Toph knows this isn’t likely, but after the war, there’s not a moment where she isn’t on the lookout for new threats. She wonders if that feeling of insecurity will ever fade.

“There have been some problems across the fire nation with Fire Supremacists. Y’know, people that want to overthrow Zuko and conquer the other nations. And Zuko, well, he’s still a bit clueless about the whole “ruling a nation” thing. He doesn’t make any decisions before checking with his uncle,” he rambles with his usual expressionism. Toph clicks her tongue, leaning against the doorframe as she folds her arms. 

Zuko is eighteen, barely more than a child but not quite an adult yet, and he’s been ruling a nation since he was sixteen. The last time they met, a year ago for his birthday, he had sounded so tired and worn out, she would’ve thought he was a middle-aged man instead of a young boy if she hadn’t known it was him. 

Living in the aftermath of a war as a child hero sure fucks you up.

“Ah, I didn’t know. Been busy with the school, y’know,” she comments, “I’m happy to see you,” she says, and she means it. She feels Sokka’s heartbeat speed up when he begins to say how much she’s missed her, and how they should grab dinner together right now to catch up. Toph bites the inside of her cheek, glad that Sokka can’t hear heartbeats like she does.

It’s dumb, really, the fact her heart still skips a beat when Sokka has kind gestures towards her. You’d think that not seeing him for long periods of time would make her lose some interest, to make her cool down and let go of such a silly crush, but a feeling of not so friendly fondness takes over her everytime they reunite. 

She’s never told anyone about her feelings, not even Katara or Suki, on the rare occasion they’re together - for starters, she’d never admit it, and secondly, it’s the only part of her life that makes her feel somewhat normal, like a typical teenage girl. And some days, that’s all Toph longs for.

“The city gets bigger every time I visit,” Sokka comments, on their way to the restaurant they always go when they get together. Toph hums in agreement.

“Tell me about it. When I think I’ve gotten used to all the changes, some asshole decides to open yet another tea shop,” she replies with an eye roll. Change is inevitable, she supposses, and now that the war is over and everyone is trying to give normal a new meaning - one that isn’t associated with war, grief and pain - life seems to go by faster than ever, and Toph sometimes finds herself unable to catch up with change.

“Iroh popularized tea shops, I guess, The Jasmine Dragon is always full,” he says, “he hasn’t expanded it yet because, well, I don’t know. But he should.”

“People boil water once and think they can open a tea shop,” she says cheekily, making Sokka chuckle. A silence follows, and Toph tries to rack her brain to come up with something to keep the conversation going. She doesn’t want to bore him with all the things she has to say about the academy - one of her assistants had pointed out she doesn’t have much of a social life outside the academy, and Toph has been self conscious about that.

Besides, Sokka’s the one that travels around as much as Aang, and probably has lots of much more interesting stories to tell. So she prompts him to talk by asking about his travels, and talk he does.

He tells her about the people he’s met, the food he’s tasted, all of the fans he’s run into, the bar fights he’s gotten into just to defend someone, the trouble he had gotten into, and all sorts of things while they’re eating dinner. Toph listens, chiming in with playful remarks from time to time. She enjoys their time together, she really does.

“What have you been up to?” Sokka finally asks, once it seems he’s run out of stories to tell. They’re still at the restaurant, ordering dessert after dessert. Toph sips on her tea - it’s not bad, but it’s not Iroh’s - and chews on the inside of her cheek.

“The academy is as tiring as ever. There are some little shits that dare to give me attitude, but that’s easily solved by bending them up to the sky, and not letting them down for a good hour,” Toph snickers, some say she’s cruel and she shouldn’t be so harsh on them, but she just replies by saying that’s her way of teaching, and if they don’t like it, they are free to leave.

Sokka laughs shortly, “Cut them some slack, Toph, they’re just kids,” he pauses for a moment, “ _you’re_ just a kid.” 

Toph cocks a brow, clicking her tongue as she kicks Sokka under the table. Sokka complains, and Toph chuckles.

“I’m a war hero,” she says simply, “I know what I’m doing.”

“Yes. But you’re still a kid,” Sokka argues. 

“And so is Aang, and Katara, and Zuko, yet one is the Avatar, other is an important waterbender known for her healing abilities, and one is the fucking Fire Lord.” Toph sets her tea cup down, leaning on the table. “ _You’re_ a kid too, y’know. Just because you’re turning eighteen soon doesn’t mean you will stop being a dunderhead.” She pokes him in the forehead with a cheeky smile.

Sokka snorts, shaking his head. “Well, yeah, but at least I’m aware of it,” he quips back, but his tone is odd and Toph senses that this will go south really quick. “You’ve aged, Toph. Like. A lot.”

“Like you haven’t,” she’s quick to bite back, though deep inside she knows what he’s talking about.

The aftermath hadn’t been easy on her - on anyone, really. Though the war hadn’t affected her for most of her privileged, sheltered life, it had taken a toll on her once she joined the Avatar team. She’d quickly become used to running away, to have a messy sleeping schedule or the lack of thereof, to be light on her toes and always on the watch for danger, to kill people without batting an eye. 

Most of them don’t want to admit it, but a lot of the soldiers they fought had inevitably ended up dead. It haunts her sometimes, unsettles her to the point of spending days without sleeping.

Toph is only fourteen, but she’s killed people. That’s a hard pill to swallow for a child.

If she could see - _really_ see - she’d find that Sokka is staring at her with a little bit of pity and a whole lot of sadness. He knows Toph doesn’t like talking about her feelings, and will never admit how the war has affected her and that her coping mechanisms haven’t been the best, so he just does what he knows best and leaves the topic aside, thinking of other ways to comfort her.

“You wanna go break some rules or something?” He asks after an uncomfortable silence, and the grin is immediately back on Toph’s face. 

“It’d be my pleasure.”

They pay and leave the restaurant, with Toph immediately dragging him to the house of this one mother that just can’t seem to wrap her head around the fact her child isn’t as gifted as she thinks he is. 

They’ll probably get in a lot of trouble, and Toph will have a lot of explanations to give, but as they’re throwing rocks at the windows of the lady’s house, Toph feels a rush of adrenaline she had forgotten, with her heart plummeting against her ears as Sokka takes her hand when they make their escape before they’re caught. She’s laughing loudly and so is he, who isn’t really sure what the lady has done to piss off Toph, but he doesn’t ask much and just rolls with it. Sokka is easy to influentiate.

It feels like the good old times, and Toph allows herself to just be a problematic child, running around the town causing mayhem, hand-in-hand with her best friend slash secret crush. She can put up the facade of the grown up war hero tomorrow once the sun is up, and a new class begins - for now, she’s just a fourteen year old, ignoring her problems and traumas as she throws rocks on the windows of people that has gotten on her bad side.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm shit at endings, I know, but if I had it my way, it would've ended up with PDA, and that's not really in character for them I guess. Pls if you have constructive criticism I'd love to hear it!


End file.
